I’m a senior. It’s an odd thing for me to say, an even stranger reality to live. And every other senior I’ve talked to has shared the same exact sentiment. That it doesn’t feel real, doesn’t feel right that we’ve already gotten this far. That we’re so close to the end of such a fundamental time in our lives. That the shining era of childhood is closing so rapidly, fizzling out like the last rays of a setting sun.
But why? Why does it feel so abrupt? Haven’t we been working towards this, being prepared for this since we entered high school? Isn’t this what it’s all been leading up to?
It’s because we’ve forgotten how to live in the present, how to appreciate everyday moments, opting to look ahead to what we’re sure will be so much better than what we have now. Always wishing for something else, someplace else, with someone else. I’m not immune, I know that. It’s why this all feels so sudden. Because these past four years, I haven’t been focused on the life I had at hand. I’ve been looking towards this.
Now I’ve made it, and the future ahead is built on shaky ground. I can’t look into it, can’t spend my days thinking about the ones I’ve yet to experience, because I have no idea what they hold. So, I’m forced to live here and now. To take a close look at what I have, what I know will be gone in just a handful of months. The life that’s about to change so rapidly. And it’s making me realize something I hope all of us do.
This is what is most important right now. This moment, the everyday life each and every one of us is leading. It’s not the monotony we think of it as. Life is so vivid, and so beautiful, and we miss so much of that looking ahead. Staring at the seat in front of us rather than the view out the window. It’s not as if I don’t think my life will ever beat this. God, I hope I don’t peak in high school.
But for now, it’s good.
It’s really good.
So, why don’t we appreciate it? It’s because we live in a society that tells us there’s always something better. Because we’re certain there’s something missing from our lives. That if we could just find that one elusive thing, everything would fall into place. Get the job that’ll bleed you dry, earn the bonus that won’t really make you happy, buy the stuff that won’t matter in a couple weeks, gain the status that means nothing. There’s always going to be something, and somehow, that thing will always exceed whatever we have right in front of us. That is the lie we are taught.
But how? How could anything possibly be better than real life? The human experience we all share, across the board. How could anything be more precious than talking to my family around a dinner table, than going to school and knowing I have friends that truly love me?
How could I have been fooled into thinking simple, everyday life is something to be resented?
Because that “simple” life, it’s doused in every feeling I could imagine. Joy and sadness, grief and love, the most breathtaking highs and the most heart shattering lows, all more profound than I can put into words. And yes, these sensations will come and go throughout my life, but they’ll never be just the same as they are here.
The moment you and I are living in right now, it will one day be a memory. Faded around the edges, harder to recall as the time flies by. The things that matter to us will be different, our priorities will shift, things will inevitably change. And after it’s all said and done, this time will be part of what we miss. When we’re old and gray, we won’t wish we spent more time stressing over college or careers. We’ll wish we’d cherished what we had, when we had it.
I’m not writing this to tell you what’s important to me. What I need to take in, what I need to appreciate. I’m writing this as a reminder. Because I–like others–have spent my life looking back with nostalgia, and forward with anticipation. Or anxiety, but you get the point. It seems I’ve always forgotten to look down, see where I’m planted right now, and notice just how much I’ve grown into the spot. Count the roots I’ve put down, and the petals that have bloomed from them.
So, yes. have your hopes and your dreams, and chase them until you can’t breathe from running so fast. But also, keep this in mind. What will be is not the only thing that matters. This does too.
In all its beautiful simplicity, this matters.
